The Suicide Post

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                Today the thought of suicide stroke once again. I don’t remember the number of times this thought might have sneak-peeked into my mind. Nor do I remember the number of times I had gone into the kitchen in search of knife. I don’t even remember the number of times I had tried to forcefully cover my face under the pillow. Not even the number of times I had thought of drinking that mosquito repellent liquid. I’m writing this post today, because I never had been successful in killing myself.

                Life, since it’s commencement had been fun. At least parents ensured it was filled with amusement. I indeed remember thousands of such reminiscences. They are all stacked up in my head and show no signs of fading away. I don’t even want them to wash away. But, in my mid-teenage years, I don’t know why, I overshadowed these memories. There were quarrels, almost in an everyday basis. I was verbally hurting my parents. I was trying to hurt myself too, but physically.

                You know what; sometimes, you have got too much to say. But you can’t have faith in anyone for the reason that someone whom you trusted didn’t hesitate to poison that trust. You end up keeping your thoughts to yourself. You detach yourself from the crowd. You wish to stay alone. It is then that you become depressed. And under such conditions, these thoughts of suicide tamper with your mind.

                Had those incidents not happened with me, I might not have been alive today. First was the untimely death of one of my colleague. Of course, I won’t name him. But he was a great guy – never thought of harming others. Good in all aspects. On that fateful day, I had gone to his house. I saw his father cry. What amount of pain he might have undergone! Even mother’s sobbing was uncontrollable. The child had left the fingers to which, he once had clinched tightly to learn the process of walking. Forever.

                Second such incident was the suicide attempt made by another friend; who unfortunately succeeded. I had a quarrel with him and had not talked to him for months. After about six months of his death, I came to know about the matter. None of my friends (except one) considered to mention about it. After I was aware of the news, I pondered upon the mistake that I had committed. Dead bodies don’t talk to each other; they can’t. But humans can and they must. Who knows, had he been alive, his problem might have found a solution. After all, suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

                It’s then that I reflected that I didn’t want to commit suicide; whatever the circumstances might be. It’s a thing for the cowards. And I am not designed to be one.

                The circle of life is just like the revolution of the planets around the sun. The side facing the sun is bright; while the other side is filled with darkness. So is with the ups and downs of life. The side of the planet facing the sun ultimately revolves and loses its brightness; while the other side emerges from darkness. Change is inevitable. If there are ups, here has to be downs. And these downs are just a way to test you; to make you stronger. You just need to have patience enough to endure it and courage enough to emerge out of it. Good luck. J

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Bagal Ki Seat Waali Ladki

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                Every time he speaks, the master story teller creates magic. Yet another wonderful story of his show crafted perfectly and described beautifully. Love, trust and faith!



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Feeding The Hungry Billion

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                Imagine yourself having all sorts of comfort at your fingertips – a posh building at your disposal, imported sports cars and money enough to purchase all sorts of luxury. One fine morning you wake up and find everything right there, but no food. Yes, you have got water – plenty of it. But shall it be enough to sustain your hunger? No! Or would it? Now imagine the plight if it happens for next few days. Well, one in seven humans around the world faces something similar, except for the fact that they don’t have all the facilities that you just had imagined.
                Oxford defines hunger as ‘a feeling of discomfort or weakness caused by the lack of food, coupled with the desire to eat’. But, it’s something more than the feeling – something that is forceful enough to drive people to do crazy things. These deeds are capable enough to transform humanity into brutality. One such example can be seen in the 2013 Hollywood thriller, “The Colony”. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, the Russian novelist, in his novel, “One day in the life of Evan Denisovich”, has rightly said, ”The belly is an ungrateful wretch, it never remembers past favors, it always wants more tomorrow”.
                Have you ever realized that anything that you do; irrespective of the field you choose is just to satisfy the appetite? From the poor rag picker to a man of wealth, everyone needs food. Yet, it’s astonishing how one walks miles in the search of food and the other walks miles to digest the consumed food. As a matter of fact, the issue is not as small as it seems. In India alone, there are 250 million people who don’t even get proper nutritional food; forget about an active life.
                There indeed are many causes that can be held responsible for this hunger issue. One such cause is inflation. With the rise in the price of various commodities, the rates for food also increase. In fact, poverty, yet another reason, and inflation are interrelated. The rate of increase in the price is higher than the income of the individual; thereby, promoting poverty. These people don’t even have basic amenities needed for survival. Worst, sometimes even a meal is a distant dream.
                At times, natural disasters play the role of a villain in enhancing the problem. The impact can be seen in the most recent quakes that jolted down Nepal and parts of India. Thousands were left stranded, sans food, sans water, sans everything.
                Wars and conflicts have also ensured a position in the foundation of the issue. People not only lose their habitat, but also are left with no food for survival.
                Do you expect the solution to be as simple as writing an article on this subject? No! It’s not a one man’s task. We need to join hands together; to work together. People must be made aware. India has a population of 1.271 billion, out of which seventy percent are above poverty line. If these people work hand in hand to feed at least one starving person a day, the problem can be eradicated from the country. Government initiatives like ‘Aahar’ also prove to be fruitful in curbing the hunger issue.
                “There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.” said Mahatma Gandhi. We can’t be the bread, but at least we can provide it. We need to work as a team to feed the hungry billion. It’s certainly not an easy task, but also not a mammoth task. It might be difficult, but not impossible. I’m ready. Are you?

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The Untitled Story

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                “It’s been three years!”, Reena exclaimed looking at the photograph that had been hung on the wall of their dining room. It was their anniversary. She had set the table. Rahul could arrive at any moment. For the past three years, she had been receiving surprises on this day. Sometimes, memories can cause wonders. She was smiling at these reminiscences.

              It was the phone call from her husband that brought her back to her sense.
               
              “Am I talking to Reena?”

              “Stop joking! When would you arrive?”

           “Look, I’m not joking. Your husband has been coughing blood. He’s admitted at the Central hospital. Do come as soon as possible. I am Ajay by the way, his colleague at work.”
             
        “What? When? How?..”, she could not even complete the sentence that tears started rolling down her eyes.

             She hurried her way to the hospital and rushed directly to the room in which Rahul was admitted. She was hysteric on seeing her spouse. She was smiling and crying at the same time. She sat beside his bed and began talking. He could not speak. His throat ached. She was running her fingers through his hair.

                It was then that Ajay called her outside in the pretext of some left-out documentation. He updated her that her husband had been diagnosed with cancer and could die at any moment and that they hadn’t informed him yet. She became restless again. She wanted to meet the attending doctor. But he had left for home. Ajay assured her that he would stay that night at the hospital and forced her back home. Before leaving, she looked at her husband one more time. Those eyes had something – as if she was trying to capture every bit of her husband before leaving.

                In a few days, Rahul passed away. Ram, their son, was out in a summer camp. He was unaware of all the happenings back home. Even if he knew, do you expect a two-year old to understand the gravity of a situation as such?

                He arrived the next evening. And the first thing that he asked after re-uniting with his mother was “Where’s Papa?” Reena controlled her tears and informed that he was out on a tour.
                                                                        ______________

                 “What happened Mama? Why are you crying?” asked Ram. All this while, he had been playing with the toy car that his father had bought for him.

                His mother didn’t speak a word. She simply looked at her son, but her weeping did not stop. Now, it was a bit unusual for the kid to look at her mother as such – draped in a white saree; without bangles or even the regular Sindoor! He could not understand that his father was on a one-way tour. There was no way back home.

                His father was engrossed with tobacco, so much that, in spite of knowing it’s ill effects, he couldn’t stop consuming it. Result? Loss of a life. Breakdown of the backbone of the family! Ram was just a kid. He yet had to see the world.


                Tobacco kills – not just the one who consumes it, but the entire family!

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Train Insane

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            Is there anyone who doesn’t love holidays? Hardly anyone. Right? But when the holidays extend beyond a specific time, they also seem boring. So is with life. Had there been no ‘downs’, the ‘ups’ would be charmless. In other words, life would be quite monotonous. Coming back to the topic, I had a similar long-boring holiday; with nothing to do. Yes! No tasks, no projects, nothing.

And I belong to those rare category of boys who can’t simply sit idle. Oh common! I’m can’t be a couch-potato. I can’t watch TV whole day long. Nor can I stare at the Whatsapp screen like a ravenous man ogling at someone else’s plate! So, I thought it would be better if I joined swimming. Heck! A lot of living bodies drown in water bodies; just to become dead bodies! Well, before joining, it was required to get a clearance about your health from a medical practitioner. And, for the reason, I had gone to the doctor and he was like, “Yeah, learn it. It’s good. Last year I had performed autopsy on eight bodies. But this year, only two! I wonder why more are not dying. Now I know the reason.”

So, finally, here I was – in the pool. And in the other group were my friends. By the fourth day, I was in their group. Other learners said that they had already began swimming and that too like pro. I was left behind. I also wanted to swim like them. But, whenever I would try, I would end up choking my nose and drinking litres of the dirty-pool-water! It was always difficult to hold the breath inside water; even harder was to move the head up and breathe in. Breathing out inside water was something that I had learnt during the initial days. Days passed. I had also suffered from fever during this period. Only a week was left. I still was not able to complete sixty percent of the length of the pool. Friends started teasing and that was the turning point. I wanted to do it anyhow. Mind became insane on the body. There I was practicing and I was doing a hell lot of it. From controlling the breath to moving the head out, I did all. Within two days, I was able to complete the entire length. I was a maniac. The last time I had swam fifteen rounds at a stretch!

Next, I had the test in the larger pool. And, it’s length was almost twice that of the smaller pool. “You can swim as long as you can breathe”, was the constant reminder that I had given myself. My turn came and I cleared the length in one go. My so called pro-swimmer friend was struck; say at eighty percent. It was an achievement.

Yes, it’s true. You sometimes need to be harsh on yourself. You need to train insane – push off the limits. Achievement is waiting at the other end. You have to hi-five it! :)

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ALVIDA - ek baar phir


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I always prefer to listen to ‘Yaadon Ka Idiot Box’ over radio; but often miss it. So, today I was browsing through their official Youtube page and found this story out. This is a rattling good story wonderfully crafted by Anu Singh and beautifully portrayed in the magical voice of Neelesh Misra . Marvellous! Give it an ear.



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Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish. - Steve Jobs

[This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by late Steve Jobs, at Stanford University on June 12, 2005.]

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I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned Coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But 10 years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backward 10 years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down — that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors and Polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: It was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.

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Print Books vs e-Books

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No doubt, digitization has taken over in most aspects of life. Instances of online transactions, e-learning, social life on the net, online stores are common now days. Then there are these easy-to-carry and light-weight e-book readers that promise to revolutionize your reading experience in such a way that it would push you over the edge to forget the old traditional methods. Few such gadgets are Kindle, Nook, Kobo. Now, what I’m going to write not only applies to the pre-mentioned devices but to all such appliances that are available in the retail stores.

                       It’s an undeniable fact that the market for the e-book readers is growing like a wild fire. They are ultra-light, easy to carry and have a plethora of customization options – like adjustment of brightness and font size. Besides, one could highlight a portion of text that he or she likes. You could have your very own e-library. And what not! Even the e-books are cheaper than the print books. They help curb deforestation! Yes. When you don’t print a book, you save paper; which in turn holds back the cutting of trees. Recent surveys show that e-books have already attracted the masses and these are most peoples’ first choice now-a-days.
              But then there are stereotypes, who still love to purchase print books rather than downloading e-books. Don’t panic! You are not alone. I also belong to your category. The experience that one gets while running your fingers on the crisp pages is amazing. To add to it, I even love the smell of the new books. They feel so awesome. To preserve the quality of these books could be challenging. But an avid lover could also achieve that feat.  I also have an experience with e-books. I had downloaded many of them; but have been able to read only two of them! Downloading seems easier. But reading, NOT!
                    It’s not that easy to comment on which is better. It solely depends on the reader. If, he/she is contented with the print version, he would go for it. Otherwise, it might be the time to knock the door of the ‘e’ version.

Good Luck. :)

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The Yardstick of Success

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There might be hardly anyone who doesn’t need success. But again, there would be just a few people willing to push themselves off the edge. “Men at some time, are the masters of their fates. The fault, dear Brutus is not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are undertaking”, said the greatest writer of English literature, William Shakesphere.
Yes, Success comes to those who never quit. Ability, boldness courage and hard work, topped with sheer luck are some of the factors needed to succeed in a particular field. But, these factors merely can’t decide ‘how successful a person is’ or in other words, the yardstick of success.
Success comes to those who do the same thing, but in a different way. The ability to see the things from an altogether different perspective makes one successful. Many of them had seen the apple falling. Yet it took an extraordinary mind to think differently and come up with the idea of gravitation. Yes, he was the father of Physics – Sir Isaac Newton. Another such instance is of Thomas Alva Edison. It’s believed that he had failed ten thousand times before inventing the bulb. “I have not failed, I have just found ten thousand ways that won’t work”, were his words after the great invention. Hence, being positive and having optimism are also required to succeed.
Success is how high you bounce back when you hit rock bottom. It’s necessary to fail several times in order to succeed. I can recall such an incident. There was this boy, who had the ardent desire to crack the Cyber Olympiad with rank 1. He had begun trying his luck since he was in class two. He failed not only in that attempt, but also in the subsequent eight attempts. He could not achieve the feat. The constant failure had thrashed his confidence. He did not appear the next year. Still, somewhere deep inside, the wish still prevailed. It was his last year at school. He didn’t want to live a life of regret. So, he decided to try once more. “This was the last chance”, he had told himself. He had prepared well. But, still felt he hadn’t done justice to the paper. And, when the results were out, WHOA! He had secured the first rank – both in the school level and the district level. He also was second in the state. The determination and hard work had finally paid off. I was that boy. Yes, it’s true, success comes when you least expect it.
The definition of success for different people is different. Some see it in the money they possess; some in the power they possess. Some even equate it with the lifestyle they are leading. But is this success real? Ask a father who has earned millions, but lost his child in the process. Is he successful? No! Think of a corrupt politician. He might have enough power at his possession. But is his success genuine? No! Then there are several people, leading a lavish lifestyle – showing their success to the society. But, can the quality of life be compared to the brands one adores? No! People without all these would be leading a happy life.

Hence, to be frank, there’s no yardstick of success. It’s just how happy and content you feel deep inside your heart. Do something good. Make your parents proud. Spread smile. The amount of contentment that you would receive would prove to be the yardstick. Then you can call yourself successful. :)

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