The Suicide Post

08:38 english , India , Issue , Memories , Suicide , Writeup 0 Comments

                Today the thought of suicide stroke once again. I don’t remember the number of times this thought might have sneak-peeked into my mind. Nor do I remember the number of times I had gone into the kitchen in search of knife. I don’t even remember the number of times I had tried to forcefully cover my face under the pillow. Not even the number of times I had thought of drinking that mosquito repellent liquid. I’m writing this post today, because I never had been successful in killing myself.

                Life, since it’s commencement had been fun. At least parents ensured it was filled with amusement. I indeed remember thousands of such reminiscences. They are all stacked up in my head and show no signs of fading away. I don’t even want them to wash away. But, in my mid-teenage years, I don’t know why, I overshadowed these memories. There were quarrels, almost in an everyday basis. I was verbally hurting my parents. I was trying to hurt myself too, but physically.

                You know what; sometimes, you have got too much to say. But you can’t have faith in anyone for the reason that someone whom you trusted didn’t hesitate to poison that trust. You end up keeping your thoughts to yourself. You detach yourself from the crowd. You wish to stay alone. It is then that you become depressed. And under such conditions, these thoughts of suicide tamper with your mind.

                Had those incidents not happened with me, I might not have been alive today. First was the untimely death of one of my colleague. Of course, I won’t name him. But he was a great guy – never thought of harming others. Good in all aspects. On that fateful day, I had gone to his house. I saw his father cry. What amount of pain he might have undergone! Even mother’s sobbing was uncontrollable. The child had left the fingers to which, he once had clinched tightly to learn the process of walking. Forever.

                Second such incident was the suicide attempt made by another friend; who unfortunately succeeded. I had a quarrel with him and had not talked to him for months. After about six months of his death, I came to know about the matter. None of my friends (except one) considered to mention about it. After I was aware of the news, I pondered upon the mistake that I had committed. Dead bodies don’t talk to each other; they can’t. But humans can and they must. Who knows, had he been alive, his problem might have found a solution. After all, suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

                It’s then that I reflected that I didn’t want to commit suicide; whatever the circumstances might be. It’s a thing for the cowards. And I am not designed to be one.

                The circle of life is just like the revolution of the planets around the sun. The side facing the sun is bright; while the other side is filled with darkness. So is with the ups and downs of life. The side of the planet facing the sun ultimately revolves and loses its brightness; while the other side emerges from darkness. Change is inevitable. If there are ups, here has to be downs. And these downs are just a way to test you; to make you stronger. You just need to have patience enough to endure it and courage enough to emerge out of it. Good luck. J